Why are GP receptionists the most unhelpful, miserable cows to walk the planet?

Why are GP receptionists the most unhelpful, miserable cows to walk the planet?



After visiting the doctors as a temporary resident one too many times, I finally decided to register (previously they had told me I couldn’t register because they were updating their system… Okay petals)… Anyhow.


Tonight, I called and said “Hi, I want to register”.

They said “Sure, come along with a form of ID”


Off I went, on foot, with my driving licence in hand, thinking it would be straight forward, and when I got there I was told that “Sorry, this is not an acceptable form of ID”








MH (Mega Hottie = me)
D (Devil)

MH “OH, but you said a form of ID, if this isn’t a form of ID, then what is?”
D “A bill, or a bank statement”


I mean, I’d hate to sound like a smart arse but surely they could specify that over the phone, or do they get a thrill of being rude and wasting peoples time???


I then proceeded to ask for the registration forms so I could take them home and fill them out….

D: “We do not give them out.”




I wonder how many people there are out there who are sick as anything, mentally, physically or terminally but can’t do anything about it because the likes of miserable, rude and stupid receptionists in GP surgeries?

Imagine if someone was in a low place, desperate for help, and when they go to the doctors to seek it, they’re turned away before they can even be seen because of the ‘frontline’ of the NHS?

I’m not too sure if I treated customers the same way the receptionist treated me I’d still have a job, so why do they get to keep their job?
Daily, they deal with people who are sick and sensitive, yet they’re the rudest, most inconsiderate people I have ever had to speak with.

In fact, when faced with attitudes like that I’d rather lay at home and die quietly than have to bother wasting my breath asking to register, let alone trying to get an appointment – And I’m sure other people feel the same way too.

Everyone gives GP’s a hard time, but is it really their fault? No,

It’s the receptionists, they’re evil Demogorons that have been released from their underworld crypt to ruin peoples days and lives one snare, sassy statement and phone call at a time.

Whilst I was in the surgery, I managed to pick up a questionnaire, of which I’ll be sure to include an honest opinion of those rudegalz.


I’m a zelebrity, get me out of here…

I’m a zelebrity, get me out of here…

I never watch reality TV shows, because they’re nothing like what they were before.
I’m talkin’ Big Brother Pre-2007, I’m talkin’ Dog The Bounty Hunter, and I’m talkin Paris’s New BFF, #TTYN


Tonight marks the start of borefest ‘I’m a celebrity (lol, you’re really not but your mum said you are so you must be) get me out of here’, which also cues the flurry people asking “errrmagaaad did you see I’m a Celebrity last night?”

No pal, one has better things to do.

I’m no critic, but I’m accustomed to the jazzier things in life, and this show is defo not jazzy.

First of all, someone is on this show who is ‘famous’ for sitting down and actually watching the TV, and I only know of Larry Lamb because I really enjoy alliteration.

Second of all, who allowed these people to leave their compound dressed as such?! They’re wearing the most confusing combination of clothing imaginable. If I were a celebrity in those clothes, I’d be all like ‘get me out of here’ too, because I would not be caught in any of those outfits.

*seven minutes later*

I won’t lie, I was going to watch this episode and give you a live feed of what I think, but I think I’d rather pluck my leg hairs out one by one and create a monobrow than watch this show.

In the words of Kimberly “Sweet Brown” Wilkins ,



I am not impressed

I am not impressed

Several days later than normal, John Lewis released their beloved annual Christmas advert.


In previous years we have been gifted with the delights of the Bear and the Hare, the Snowman and The Man on the Moon, however, this year, it’s about a trampoline.


First of all,

I ain’t hatin’,


I love Christmas, I love John Lewis (This date two years ago I was made a Partner), and I thoroughly enjoy trampolines, but personally, this advert has nothing on it’s predecessors.

The video starts with the dog’s head bobbing up and down as the little girl (I’m not entirely sure it’s a girl or not, the hair says yes, but the clothing and the décor in the bedroom is quite masculine…) bounces up and down on her bed * disclaimer * Gender isn’t important, but I don’t know what to refer to the child as, so I’ll call it ‘kid’.

This belongs to John Lewis.


Immediately, I can tell this is setting up what’s going to unfold in the rest of the video, it’s like pathetic fallacy of the gift world – The kid’s going to get that trampoline it so desperately needs, because God knows that you can’t jump up and down on your bed like that because your mum tells you off, and everyone remembers when the monkeys were jumping on the bed and then one fell off and bumped it’s head, and then mummy called the doctor and the doctor said no more monkeys jumping on the bed, and to be frank, AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO’ THAT!

Shortly after, mum puts the kid to bed, and dad begins to build the trampoline, statistically speaking, and once it’s built, and all is still, two foxes creep out of the bushes and begin bouncing, and when they’re having the time of their life, a badger wants to play too (I mean do we even have badgers commonly in the UK?)and then they bounce the night away, and then a bloomin’ hedgehog comes along too!

All the bouncing with the claws, and not a single pull mark on the trampoline – I’m tempted to buy a trampoline from John Lewis and ask my pals Wolverine and Edward Scissorhands do backflips and stuff on the trampoline just to see if it’s really as resistant to claws as it appears!

I don’t feel like there’s a message in this video, I’ve watched it repeatedly, and I honestly find nothing, and the worst thing is, I can’t even feel anything for this advert.

I was expecting something as good as last year, and as great as the Bear and the Hare.

2015’s ‘The Man on the Moon’ was very meaningful as it was affiliated with Age UK as a reminder that there are elderly folk of whom are alone at Christmas.

Undeniably, not every single advert has to tug at heartstrings, make people cry or have a meaning, but Christmas is just so commercial these days that the John Lewis advert is something one can normally rely on to have such a great message and meaning behind it, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into.


I’m finding, the anticipation for these adverts is increasing each year because they seem to do something jazzy and spectacular one year, and therefore, they have to keep up with the bars that they keep setting, but to be honest, I don’t think this does.


It’s far from realistic, because when your woofer makes that noise whilst looking out the window, you look too because you’re all like “For fucks sake Simba, I’m watching Hannah Montana, what’s out there?????” and your dad doesn’t build trampolines, that shit is pre-assembled by Santa’s elves and Santa drops it in your garden before he parks on your roof, oh, and lastly, the most unrealistic thing about this, IT NEVER SNOWS ON CHRISTMAS DAY!


Look, John Lewis, I appreciate the fact that you tried, I really do, but I think you need to try again just to please me.



May the odds be ever in your favour, y’all

May the odds be ever in your favour, y’all

I’m not American, and despite being the estranged niece of Barack Obama I don’t really have a say in U.S Politics, but I will wade in anyways…




The people of America are voting to have either the first female president, or a former reality TV tycoon, both of whom have very similar hairstyles.

You can barely tell the difference

Regardless of who gets elected, the outcome is definitely going to be scary.


Because… For both candidates, it’s been a salacious and scandalous election campaign, with many conspiracy theories coming out of the woodworks, many libellous tweets, venomous statements and heated debates, none of which clearly showed the American folk who should succeed from Uncle B.(ball) lol so funny




According to Katz & Lazarsfeld’s ‘Magic Bullet’ (Hypodermic Needle) theory audiences are passive – For example, I told everyone that the world was ending tomorrow, and instead of researching it, it was published on every news source and everyone chose to believe it then my opinion was injected into them, and it influenced them and their life.

With the above in mind, mass media can influence a nation and it can therefore be implied that 96.7% of Americans of whom own a TV set have seen some coverage of the election, and dependant on what channel they have viewed, their opinion has been swayed by what has been broadcasted to them, little do they know that it has been cut, edited and changed for specific channels.

For me, one of the most puzzling factors about the election and the campaign is how celebrities are getting behind certain candidates and trying to sway their fans to vote for their chosen democrat, but are the pop stars clad in lycra and lace really the best people to be spreading the message.

As I’ve said, I’m not American and I don’t know too much, all I do know, is regardless of the outcome, and all I’ve heard from both British and American media, y’all are fucked.

Like, how do you even know to vote for?


I’m voting for Nick Jonas.

Nick Jonas