I am not impressed

I am not impressed

Several days later than normal, John Lewis released their beloved annual Christmas advert.


In previous years we have been gifted with the delights of the Bear and the Hare, the Snowman and The Man on the Moon, however, this year, it’s about a trampoline.


First of all,

I ain’t hatin’,


I love Christmas, I love John Lewis (This date two years ago I was made a Partner), and I thoroughly enjoy trampolines, but personally, this advert has nothing on it’s predecessors.

The video starts with the dog’s head bobbing up and down as the little girl (I’m not entirely sure it’s a girl or not, the hair says yes, but the clothing and the décor in the bedroom is quite masculine…) bounces up and down on her bed * disclaimer * Gender isn’t important, but I don’t know what to refer to the child as, so I’ll call it ‘kid’.

This belongs to John Lewis.


Immediately, I can tell this is setting up what’s going to unfold in the rest of the video, it’s like pathetic fallacy of the gift world – The kid’s going to get that trampoline it so desperately needs, because God knows that you can’t jump up and down on your bed like that because your mum tells you off, and everyone remembers when the monkeys were jumping on the bed and then one fell off and bumped it’s head, and then mummy called the doctor and the doctor said no more monkeys jumping on the bed, and to be frank, AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO’ THAT!

Shortly after, mum puts the kid to bed, and dad begins to build the trampoline, statistically speaking, and once it’s built, and all is still, two foxes creep out of the bushes and begin bouncing, and when they’re having the time of their life, a badger wants to play too (I mean do we even have badgers commonly in the UK?)and then they bounce the night away, and then a bloomin’ hedgehog comes along too!

All the bouncing with the claws, and not a single pull mark on the trampoline – I’m tempted to buy a trampoline from John Lewis and ask my pals Wolverine and Edward Scissorhands do backflips and stuff on the trampoline just to see if it’s really as resistant to claws as it appears!

I don’t feel like there’s a message in this video, I’ve watched it repeatedly, and I honestly find nothing, and the worst thing is, I can’t even feel anything for this advert.

I was expecting something as good as last year, and as great as the Bear and the Hare.

2015’s ‘The Man on the Moon’ was very meaningful as it was affiliated with Age UK as a reminder that there are elderly folk of whom are alone at Christmas.

Undeniably, not every single advert has to tug at heartstrings, make people cry or have a meaning, but Christmas is just so commercial these days that the John Lewis advert is something one can normally rely on to have such a great message and meaning behind it, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into.


I’m finding, the anticipation for these adverts is increasing each year because they seem to do something jazzy and spectacular one year, and therefore, they have to keep up with the bars that they keep setting, but to be honest, I don’t think this does.


It’s far from realistic, because when your woofer makes that noise whilst looking out the window, you look too because you’re all like “For fucks sake Simba, I’m watching Hannah Montana, what’s out there?????” and your dad doesn’t build trampolines, that shit is pre-assembled by Santa’s elves and Santa drops it in your garden before he parks on your roof, oh, and lastly, the most unrealistic thing about this, IT NEVER SNOWS ON CHRISTMAS DAY!


Look, John Lewis, I appreciate the fact that you tried, I really do, but I think you need to try again just to please me.



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