Monday March 21st 2016
Monday + Amber = Jelly. I DON’T THINK YOU’RE READY FOR THIS JELLY
Blending brand new technology, slow-motion videos and epic pranks are things that have been massive sensations on Youtube over the years, yet a new sensation is wobbling its way in and pudding other trends to shame.
Jello, is it me you’re looking for??
As of late, vloggers such as GlamourLifeFox, AwesomeDisneyToys and Karina Garcia have been creating jellified versions of popular beverages, such as Coke, Starbucks Frappucinos and milk for our viewing pleasure.
Not one to miss out on trends, I thought I would jump on the jelly wagon, but in doing so, I had the sudden realisation at how bad it is for you to eat a jellified beverage.
Let’s break it down.
So, to help create my bottle of wibbly wobbly good(or bad)ness,I used two packets of Hartley’s Orange Jelly. You can find some here, which is where I found mine.
I used just under 300g of this jelly ‘as sold’, which equates to approximately 888 calories, 172.2g of sugar and 1.5g of salt.
The drink I used for my jelly creation was Oasis, because my mum doesn’t allow me to have fizzy drinks on a Monday.
Anyhow, the nutritional values are as follows –
This beverage contains 90 calories per bottle, and 20.5g of sugar.
Another ingredient in this jellified bottle of diabetes is powdered gelatine, of which boasts 40.8 calories per sachet, which brings the grand total amount of calories in our bottle to 1019 calories, and a whopping 192.7g of sugar…
Which counts for over half a womans daily recommended daily calorie intake, and OVER SEVEN TIMES the recommended daily sugar intake by the World Health Organisation.
If you’re not sick from the sheer sweetness after your first bite, you will be if you eat the whole thing!
That aside, here’s the action you’ve been waiting for, a glorious video of the creation of this product.
Be warned, it’s a little long, and a lot beautiful.
Also, I recommend being accompanied by an adult during the creation process, because box cutters are super sharp, and the gelatine gets really really hot, so hot it can burn, so please take care!!!
What are the danger in consuming something of such?
Christie Elsworthy is a personal trainer who also gives nutritional advice to her clients.
When approached on the matter, Christie said: “It’s shocking people are creating and considering consuming something so calorific.
“Not only does it have a high amount of calories, it contains a whopping amount of sugar which is dangerous. If someone were to do this regularly, within no time, they could develop type 2 diabetes.”
Will you be trying this trend?!
Thursday March 17th 2016
THURSDAYS WITH AMBER, FEATURING CRUMPDATES
HELLO MY WILD CHILDREN OF THE INTERNET FOREST, IT’S ME, YOUR HOST, AMBER, COMING AT YOU LIVE FROM CANTERBURY, THE HOME OF THE NOTHING TO DO!!!
Today is the last day of term – I’m very excited because that means I get to go home.
I like home.
Home is good.
Home is clean.
Home is fun.
Home is where my best friends are, yeah, they wipe their faces on the shoulders of their tops, eat with their hands and play with toys all day, errday, because that’s the kind of people I chose as my friends, and I like it.
I should also mention that I’m referring to a two-year-old and a four-year-old…
I’m very excited to go home today, so excited that I made a video for you all.
Trying to hoax my Crump into saying Spain – it’s so difficult!
She looks totes cute tho.
Doreen said Spain, twice, because I told her I had closed my laptop… Does she not know that I, a tech wizard can update my blog from my phone?
Got you this time, Doreen.
I got 14/20 on the news quiz, but he didn’t even ask for peoples scores this week which was rather depressing.
Went home, to utilise the lavatorial facilities when the ultimate housemate gifted me with orange flavoured jelly beans in the shape of a carrot, a bunny balloon and a lil’ net of chocolate eggs for Easter, because I’m going home tonight!
How cute is she?! Thanks Harriet, you da real MVP.
I’ve found myself back at the SU, this time for hungry time.
I couldn’t decide what to have, because I’ve been steering clear of all things greasy and processed… SO I had a cheese bacon burger with fries and a side of “I’m so sorry I’m doing this to you, body, I am so,so sorry”, and I washed it down with a fruity cider…
I’m back home again, I suppose I should begin packing to go home, but I really can’t be bothered……………
I’m nearly done packing, I’m going to make my room kind of tidy, because our landlord likes to breech the tenancy agreement and enter the property without knocking, or even calling with 24/48hours notice like the agreement states… So, I wouldn’t be surprised if they come round when people have gone home for Easter for a quick snoop, so landlord, if you’re reading this, that’s why I’ve got a rubber rat hanging out from underneath the cabinet beside my bed, you snoops.
I’m so tired, but my ride home doesn’t arrive for another hour, so I’m just laying on my bed, eating, relaxing… having a good time..
Saturday March 12th, 2016
It’s Saturday. But people are boring.
I’m so so so so so gutted, because I’m missing an amazing birthday party tonight…. Thanks uni assignment for ruining whatever shred of a social life I try to have.
My assignment is done now, and all I really want to do is have some fun, but I can’t, because I DON’T KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES TO HAVE FUN 4 REAL.
I fear I’m going to have to spend my evening making bolognese for one, and a solitude bread roll from scratch that I’ll turn into a mini-garlic bread baguette.
I mean, it doesn’t sound -that bad-, but when you just want to hang out with your wang out, it’s a personal idea of hell.
Come to me, my jungle friends, I gots rum, I gots vodka, I gots milk, and I even have wine … I ALSO HAVE BANANA NESQUIK YO.
UPDATE – CAN I EVEN KNEAD MY BREAD?
I went to the gym this morning with my friend, and I was pumping some steel, 90LBS of steel and I am feeling it right now… So.
This shall be interesting.
It was so interesting that I went to sleep for 4 days.
Thursday March 10th, 2016
Thursday with Amber, featuring Crumpdates.
Hello my wildebeests,
I write to you clad in a dinosaur jumper and a denim pinafore, fresh off the runway at Paris Fashion week in Kanye’s prehistoric line.
I don’t get him – He’s released this prehistoric line after his post apocalyptic collection… When I modelled for the last season I felt like I was in The Hunger Games or something!
So today, I have a shorthand test. (I passed 80WPM, and missed 70WPM by one word, but who cares about the slower speed when you’re going for gold?)
Then I have Law with Leo *Insert Jingle Here*
And after Law with Leo I’m free for the weekend…But during this time I have to cut a radio package, write an essay and be jazzy… I mean… Are there enough hours in the day!? Na.
Here’s me looking sultry in a dinosaur outfit – throwing it back to about 8 minutes ago…
So… It’s just after 3, (3.20PM) which means it’s time for Law.
Doreen is dazzling us with her stories.
She’s said ‘Spain’ once since I entered the room, which was approximately 3 minutes ago.
Doreen just gave a futurama analogy.
It fell flat.
But Doreen, if you’re reading this, I got your analogy, I GOT U
Doreen just tried to tell Leo that the deadline has been put back to 2018.
No Doreen… BUT I WISH IT WAS TRUE!
Doreen just tried to tackle Leo.
Things are getting crazy.
Leo went to Nando’s the other day.. Such a cheeky Nando’s lad.
He went to see The Revenant with his brother-in-law.
He also embarrassed himself at Nando’s by giving away all the condiments to the waiter ladymanperson… But he got two free bowls of chips, and he likes the beer there, but you know what? He does not get it… “It’s just chicken and chips, innit?”.
I see you, Dom, Snapchatting with the drag queen filter.
You are not invisible.
Drag queen filter is back and he is winking at himself.
Leo is informing us of his Oxford interview. So jazzy dude.
I feel it’s worth mentioning, I’m in a caravan receiving this lecture.
I’m kinda sorta rather hungry.
I miss Doreen.
Wednesday March 9th, 2016
Humpday with Amber
Everyone knows Wednesday is ‘Hump Day’, because it’s the middle of the week, and you’re so close to the weekend, yet so far away at the same time.
I’m not saying I’m a doctor or anything, but I have my own cures for the Wednesday blues… I’m a connoisseur for the finer things in life, like matching socks, little glasses with flamingos on, and 6 week holidays to the Caribbean. Thinking of these things helps make the middle of the week a little better…
But that’s enough about me,
lol, just kidding, there’s always room for more of me.
Today, I’ll be doing some of the things I like doing, some of the things I don’t like doing, and some of the things I have to do, because I have to.
Woe is me.
I do hope you’ll stay tuned… Things are going to get interesting.
I’m getting one more of my 5-a-day in before I venture into the darkness that is Canterbury town centre…
Change of plan… Going into town later on this afternoon, which now gives me the perfect opportunity to do some more work on my law essay.
Went to town, bought some stuff, spoke to some people, and came home again.
The most difficult decision I had to make all day was what to have for dinner… I couldn’t decide so I hoovered my room for inspiration and found nothing.
Tuesday March 8th, 2016
What does Amber do on a Tuesday night?
After the sheer volume of hits received yesterday, and exceedingly weird snapchat requests, I’ve decided to share with you what I do in my spare time.
Today is Tuesday.
This afternoon I donated my time to Canterbury Christ Church University, Jane specifically, to go to shorthand, where I smashed out some Teeline like no ones business… In the word of Stewie Griffin… “Squiggly Line, Squiggly Line”…
After shorthand, I tried to get people to speak into my recording device, but people were so unwilling… Grr.
I did some washing up when I got home, because I like to have a little crockery collection going on in my room, it’s what I imagine living in a caravan is like.
I like it for convenience, but I don’t like the stack on my desk.
Then I looked at holidays, because I like holidays.
I want to go to Mexico, where do you want to go???
Well, it’s that time of night… Gym O’clock….
WATCH THIS, YOUR LIFE WILL BE 10X BETTER, I PROMISE
MANS WENT TO THE GYM
MANS PUMPED SOME STEEL
MANS DID SOME TREAD
MANS DID SOME MILL.
MANS IS TAKED PICTURES TO SHOW YOU FANS
This is Harriet and I. She likes to be called Shaniqua…. Bless her.
Mans is done with the tread, but mans will eat a meal.
I am sad.
I am no longer sad.
I had a shower (fruit salad shower gel, hello)
I bet you’re all sad this day has come to an end, and you have to go to sleep…
Well, it’s time for a bedtime story, yo!
(I can’t read, I was raised by hens)
SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW WHERE I’LL DO SOMETHING MORE OR EQUALLY AS INTERESTING.
Monday March 7th, 2016.
GOOOOOOD MORNING WORLD!!!
I WOKE UP.
DRANK SOME WATER
WENT AND HAD A SHOWER
BRUSHED MY HAIR
PUT SOME CLOTHES ON
AND MADE THIS THING OF BEAUTY
I AM NOW FULLY CLOLTHED AND AT UNIVERSITY.
THE LESSON HAS BEGUN.
HERE’S JONNY, WE’RE WEARING COLOUR CO-ORDINATED OUTFITS TODAY.
I’m going to be doing the imaging, AKA the jingle man.
This will be interesting.
It’s lunchtime, usually my favourite time of day, but not today.
I’m feeling rather sick, like I need to drink some water, take some paracetamol, wrap up in a blankie and have a nap.
Life is really hard as a student because you don’t have your mum on hand to come and touch your head, or make you a cup of tea or come to your room and tell you that she loves you… Instead you get a badly written text with several Emoji’s because mum dropped her phone, and after having several iPhones during the course of 6 years she still hasn’t mastered the art of iPhone wizardry.
I mean, I could nap, and drink water, but I can’t because I have to go back to uni for an online session, which are usually quite jazzy, I ain’t even lying.
I made it to online.
I am writing to you from online.
Doreen is talking about ‘porn’- whether it was ‘rat’ or ‘rap’ porn, we do not know.
All we do know is she needs to not talk about her online viewing habits in public.
Doreen has clarified she’s talking about an airhorn.
I am relieved.
How many times will Doreen mention Spain in today’s online session? I’m going to keep a tally because I find Doreen interesting.
I might even make a page dedicated to her.
“CrUmPdates” (The capital letters are supposed to point to ‘Updates'”
Round of applause for Alyce Cronk for her online newsday creation.
I am relieved.
So, I’ve got a problem – I can’t stop watching random videos on Facebook… I knew there was a reason I deleted it for nearly two months… I think it may have to go again, because it’s playing some cruel cruel joke on me.
Watching Alyce’s video.
Note to self – Don’t touch the back of Doreen’s knees because she kicks like a horse…. NEEIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHH
These are my classmates.
Doreen likes to pretend she is a real life flappy bird.
(lol, what is Lauren doing with her hand?)
Doreen also really REALLY likes GIFs
It’s now been decided I’m really bad at writing introductions, but when you can make a gif like I can, does it really matter?
Yes, yes it does matter, incase you are actually wondering.
It takes time, and skill I’ve been told. Hopefully I should get the hang of it before this blog goes viral.