They’re not *just* clothes, it isn’t just work, and it is a big deal.

They’re not *just* clothes, it isn’t just work, and it is a big deal.

Every night before I go to bed, I complete my random skincare routine of washing and brushing my face, moisturising with rosehip oil and adding a dab or two of sudocream.

Then, I stomp over to my wardrobe, pull the doors open in a dramatic fashion and I examine my choices of outfit for the following day, because heaven knows I won’t find anything to wear in the morning.

It’s not that I’ve not got enough clothes, it’s quite the opposite really, I have too many.

Dresses, blouses, blazers, trousers, skirts, shirts and more all stare back at me, waiting to be picked for a day about the town.

Next, I check the weather, I think about what I’ve got going on the following day at work, and I think about how I’m feeling right now, and how I’ll feel in the morning, and then I make my decision.

Polka dots? Stripes? Red? Black? Blue?

They’re not just patterns and colours;

They’re not just shirts and trousers.

They’re a form of self-expression, communication, and sometimes, a form of social mobility.

What you wear, and how you wear it says a lot about you as an individual.

For example,

One day I went to work in check trousers and a striped shirt. I clashed like hell, but I felt amazing, and I looked fantastic, if I do say so myself.

“Cool, but why?”

Well, my friends, as an educated bean, I am aware that historically, it wasn’t common for women to be allowed to wear trousers and that’s only really been accepted within the last 100 years or so.
With this in mind, I still see trousers as a powerful item of clothing for a women. Not only this, but in my opinion the clash was both bold, and brave. My size is no secret, but I don’t let this hold me back when it comes to clothing.

Whilst I won’t subject people to see me wearing a pair of batty riders and crop top, I’m willing to experiment with colours and patterns, and this outfit made me feel fierce and I used this fierceness to try and have an amazing day, and you know what?
It was an amazing day!

HOWEVER,

What makes me sad about clothes is when people don’t care about what they wear – and it shows.

Whilst you may feel comfortable in your smock top and loose black leggings, it tells another story of the discomfort you feel with regards to clothing and your body. It shows you lack confidence and /or knowledge to pick something that fits you right, suits you and shows the person you want to be. You scuffle along in this outfit thinking that no one will either care, or notice, but, I, and many see this.

And I’m not the only one.

In a study recently published by Universitat Oberta De Catalunya, it was found that “politicians who simply look more competent are more likely to win elections. First impressions also influence legal decision-making.”

I know what you’re thinking…

“I’m not a politician.”

That may be true,

“I’m not a criminal”… Legally, maybe not, but your crimes against fashion are a whole other story.

 

The excuses

“I’m poor”

Nope, I’m not taking that one.

You don’t have to be rolling in money to dress nicely; I’ve got clothes in my wardrobe from H&M, Tesco, Zara, and Boohoo, but no one would know where they’re from unless I told them.
I recently went into Primark; they’ve got some amazing items at crazy low prices, literally, no excuse!

“It’s hard to find things in my size”

Hmm.. You’re seemingly smaller than my 5ft 11, size 18-22 frame, yet I have a wardrobe, much like my skirt, which bursting at the seams because when I find something I love, and that fits, I want it.

 

“I don’t have time”

The internet is open 24/7, baby, I picked up a package from a locker at the petrol station at 6am; whilst working nearly full-time, studying for a masters degree, and caring for someone, so quit your bullshit.

 

If you’ve stuck with me this far, I am almost done, I promise.

 

When you don’t think people notice that you wear the same pair of trousers and downtrodden shoes a few days of the week, we do notice.
Whilst you may feel good in your clothes, do you feel good about what they say about you?
I doubt it.

 

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Happy birthday to my best friend.

Happy birthday to my best friend.

TODAY, March 1st marks the unofficial birthday of Ava, my best friend.

“Unofficial?”
Yes.
Ava, being the special little cherub she is, graced us on February 29th 2012, meaning she’s a leap year baby! Last year was her first official birthday, but when greeted ‘Happy first birthday’ she was furious…

“I’m not one, I’m four!” were the sentiments yelled on that day.

 

Today, Ava is at school, where she gets to sit on the ‘birthday chair’… Sounds kinda funky, where can I get one? And after school, we’ll party until late… like… 7ish?

The official point of this post is to celebrate the special beast that is my niece on her special day, and celebrate why she is legit the best friend you could possibly have.

Why is she the bestest friend one could possibly have?

  • She is one of the only people I know who actually acts their age
  • She comes out with the funniest things ever
  • She’s always a ray of sunshine super early in the morning – Surround yourself with positivity people!
  • You get to see the world through her eyes, and it’s really special
  • She’s got a great appetite… Sometimes people my age don’t want dessert, but I certainly do.
  • She makes really cool things, for example, this weekend just gone, she painted me a canvas with a giraffe on it, and it’s the best thing since sliced bread, and I really enjoy sliced bread, so that’s a bold statement.
  • She’s really clever, and helping her on her learning journey through life is truly amazing! Seeing her get smarter every day is brilliant!
  • She’s got a heart of gold – She loves everyone, and everything!
  • She’s creative!
  • She thinks I’m really cool.

These are just some of the things that make her the bestest friend possible. I bet you, that if you put these qualities against those of your best friend, your friend will be the inferior one in this equation.

I hope Ava reads this in a few short years and realises just how cool, special and loved she is!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVIN, YOU WONDERFUL LITTLE GIRL!

I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH

AUNTIE AMBER XOXOX

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR AVA…

Dear Ava,

I’m sure mummy or daddy are reading this to you, or if it’s me, hello,

I hope you have the best birthday ever, and enjoy your sweets, cake, and presents!
I’m really proud of you!

 

Academy Awards 2017 – Live Blog

Academy Awards 2017 – Live Blog

01.43AM

Soz, I’m late, I was busy bitching and moaning about E!’s poor coverage.

Jimmy Kimmel is already doing a better job than Chris Rock last year… At about this point in the show I felt like I was walking on eggshells, and I was sat in my bed on the other side of the world…

01.45

Meryl’s getting a standing ovation for receiving her 20th nomination.

Whoops, I spoke too soon, I hear something to do with Trump. img_0095

01.48 – First category is up…. Alicia Vikander is presenting the award for The Best Actor In a Supporting Role…

The nominees are…

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Mahershala Ali, Moonlight

Jeff Bridges, Hell or High Water

Lucas Hedges, Manchester by the Sea

Dev Patel, Lion

Michael Shannon, Nocturnal Animals

And the Oscar goes to…
Mahershala Ali for his role in Moonlight.

01.54 – The musical scores playing people in and out are so funky, I want everybody to break out in song and dance.

01.59 – Up next is…

MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING

A Man Called Ove

Star Trek Beyond

Suicide Squad

And the Oscar goes to…

Suicide Squad

tbh, Harley Quinn’s hair is something my 4 year old niece does, so she deserves this Oscar too.

Beautiful speech though…

02.02

COSTUME DESIGN

Allied

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Florence Foster Jenkins

Jackie

La La Land

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – Colleen Atwood… She looks so shocked! I’m not sure why, as the costumes in the film were amazing!

02.04 I want a cheese sandwich.

02.10 – THE HIDDEN FIGURES LADIES

KATHERINE G. JOHNSON is taking to the stage! She’s 98 years old, and is one of the ladies that the truly inspirational film is based upon. She looks so happy!
It’s really touching to see the audience cry. She’s wearing a beautifully soft blue dress, that reminds me of my favourite Yankee Candle, Sweet Garden Pea, of which is such a beautiful colour for a woman of her age to wear.
It’s bright, yet delicate, and when associated with that candle, so comforting.

02.12

DOCUMENTARY (FEATURE)

Fire at Sea

I Am Not Your Negro

Life, Animated

O.J.: Made in America – Ezra Edleman and Caroline Waterlow 

13th

And the Oscar goes to…

O.J.: Made in America – Ezra Edleman and Caroline Waterlow 

I haven’t seen this documentary, however, I really want to.  Ezra’s speech was a gooden! He dedicated it to “the victims of police violence, p brutality, racially motivated violence…”

02.17 – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

He said some words, and introduced the Moana performer.

Exotic.

02.27 

The president of the academy just finished her speech, it was beautiful!

img_0100

02.28
It just rained Redvines! (Red Vines, alongside Twizzlers, are my fave American candies) *hint hint*

img_0103

02.30

The award for best sound editing.

The nominees are as follows…

SOUND EDITING

Arrival

Deepwater Horizon

Hacksaw Ridge

La La Land

Sully

And the Oscar goes to…

Arrival

The sound editor ended his speech by saying “All we need is love”… Although these may be lyrics, they’re the truest words I’ve heard all night… This world lacks love and compassion, people.
I appreciate the difficulty of sound editing. The sound of my videos is absolutely terrible, my lecturers despair.. GOOD THING I DON’T WANT TO MAKE VIDEOS…

02.33

SOUND MIXING

Arrival

Hacksaw Ridge

La La Land

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

And the Oscar goes to…

HACKSAW RIDGE

Kevin O’connell’s speech was totes emosh. He dedicated his speech to his late mother, with a sweet anecdote of how he got his first job, and how he could ever thank his mum. I’m sure she is looking down on you, like you said, and I bet she’s proud as punch!

02.40 – A tribute to those who have won in the past.

02.43 – Nominees for the performance by an actress in a supporting role.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Viola Davis, Fences

Naomie Harris, Moonlight

Nicole Kidman, Lion

Octavia Spencer, Hidden Figures

Michelle Williams, Manchester by the Sea

Every actress looks so pleased and proud after their clip has played. It’s really beautiful to see that they’re proud, because I’m sure they work really hard in some demanding roles.

And the oscar goes to…

Viola Davis! 

vii

I’m really happy about this; she’s a fantastic actress, he was amazing in Fences, and in my favourite, The Help!

Her speech is such a tearjerker!

“Exhume the stories of the people who dreamed big and never saw those stories to fruition”

“I became an artist, the only profession to celebrate what it means to be a life”

I’m crying! Her speech is so beautiful, she’s so grateful to everyone, and everything. I’m so happy they haven’t played her out, because if they did, it would be a travesty to ruin her mid-flow… Such a beautiful speech!

03.01

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Land of Mine

A Man Called Ove

The Salesman – Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Tanna

Toni Erdmann

03.03

Sting is singing… He always sounds v strained like he’s trying to take a dookie.

03.09

They’re pranking a Hollywood Tour Bus. Megalolz.

03.10 – Best animated short film.

The nominees are…

SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)

Blind Vaysha

Borrowed Time

Pear Cider and Cigarettes

Pearl

Piper

And the Oscar goes to…

Piper.

03.14

The nominees are…

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

Kubo and the Two Strings

Moana

My Life as a Zucchini

The Red Turtle

Zootopia

And the Oscar goes to… Zootopia – I love this film!!!

03.15 – Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson arrive on stage, and share an awkward joke to present the award for the best production design.

The nominees are…

PRODUCTION DESIGN

Arrival

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Hail, Caesar!

La La Land

Passengers

And the Oscar goes to… La La Land.

*sidenote* Dakota’s dress is so gorgeous! As the E! team would say, they ‘Love it’. The fabric is beautiful and it has so much fluidity and oozes elegance when she walks!

02.25 

Omg!
The hollywood Tour Bus people just went in! Okay, so some of them were kinda trashy, but heyho!

It was so funny! I cried with laughter and awoke a sleeping beast (soz mum) in the process!

03.32 

Soz for the delay, I went and brushed my teeth again. #freshtildeath

The nominees for Achievement in visual effects are…

VISUAL EFFECTS

Deepwater Horizon

Doctor Strange

The Jungle Book

Kubo and the Two Strings

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

And the Oscar goes to…

The Jungle Book.

I hated this film, by the way, what a load of shadoobie.

03.36

Can we take a moment to appreciate Halle Berry’s hair?
It needs its own show or something #todiefor

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 03.36.48.png

03.38

The Nominees for best film editing are…

FILM EDITING

Arrival

Hacksaw Ridge

Hell or High Water

La La Land

Moonlight

And the Oscar goes to… Hacksaw Ridge

03.47

Some random shizz just happened, so I phased out.

The nominees  for the best documentary (short subject) are…

DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT)

Extremis

4.1 Miles

Joe’s Violin

Watani: My Homeland

The White Helmets

And the Oscar goes to… The White Helmets

03.51

The nominations for best live action short film are…

SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)

Ennemis Intérieurs

La Femme et le TGV

Silent Nights

Sing

Timecode

And the Oscar goes to… Sing.

03.55

I love Leslie Mann, she’s painfully funny

04.02

The nominees for the best cinematography are…

CINEMATOGRAPHY

Arrival

La La Land

Lion

Moonlight

Silence

And the Oscar goes to… La La Land….

04.07 –

John Legend is performing City of Stars… A bit off key and flat though…
“Amber, could you do it any better?” Well in my head I’m Beyonce, but in reality I’m Nichole337 so..

04.16 –

Samuel L Jackson is here to present the best original score…

The nominees are…

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE)

Jackie

La La Land

Lion

Moonlight

Passengers

And the Oscar goes to… La La Land.

FFS, pissed off.

I

HATE

LA LA LAND.

ALL THE MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE RIP OFFS OF OLD CUBAN MUSIC MAN

NOTHING NEW HERE GUYZZZZZZZZ

04.18

Scarlett Johanson is on stage in her funkadelic dress to present the award for the best original song…

The nominees are…

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG)

“Audition (The Fools Who Dream)” from La La Land

Music by Justin Hurwitz; Lyric by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul

“Can’t Stop The Feeling” from Trolls

Music and Lyric by Justin Timberlake, Max Martin and Karl Johan Schuster

“City Of Stars” from La La Land

Music by Justin Hurwitz; Lyric by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul

“The Empty Chair” from Jim: The James Foley Story

Music and Lyric by J. Ralph and Sting

“How Far I’ll Go” from Moana

Music and Lyric by Lin-Manuel Miranda

And the Oscar goes to… Bloody lalalalalaland #no

04.22

Jennifer Aniston, in a glitzy black number, is introducing Sara Bareilles to honor those showbiz superstars who have died in the past year.

04.30 Ben Affleck, and “guest”, aka Matt Damon are here to present the award for The Best Original Screenplay

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)

Hell or High Water

La La Land

The Lobster

Manchester by the Sea

20th Century Women

And the Oscar goes to… Manchester by the Sea.

04.34

Amy Adams is presenting for the best adapted screenplay.
The nominees are…

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)

Arrival

Fences

Hidden Figures

Lion

Moonlight

And the Oscar goes to… Moonlight.

“Be in love with the process, not the result”

04.43

Halle Berry and her hair are presenting the award for the best directing.

The nominees are..

DIRECTING

Arrival

Hacksaw Ridge

La La Land

Manchester by the Sea

Moonlight

And the Oscar goes to…

La La Land… (As I typed this, my teeth ground together…no idea why)

04.48 –

Brie Larson is joined on stage by her fabulous dress to present the award for best actor in a leading role…
The nominees are…

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea

Andrew Garfield, Hacksaw Ridge

Ryan Gosling, La La Land

Viggo Mortensen, Captain Fantastic

Denzel Washington, Fences

And the Oscar goes to… Casey Affleck…

Denzel looked so sad, bless his cotton (prolly silk) socks.

04.55 – Leo D is on the stage to present the award for the best actress in a leading role.

The nominees are…

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Isabelle Huppert, Elle

Ruth Negga, Loving

Natalie Portman, Jackie

Emma Stone, La La Land

Meryl Streep, Florence Foster Jenkins

And the Oscar goes to… Emma Stone.

meh.

And at last… It’s time for the final award of the night (lol it’s 5am)

5.04

The nominees are….

BEST PICTURE

Arrival

Fences

Hacksaw Ridge

Hell or High Water

Hidden Figures

La La Land

Lion

Manchester by the Sea

Moonlight

And the Oscar goes to… La La Land.

Good night world.

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

THEY READ THE WRONG CARD

THE BEST PICTURE IS MOONLIGHT!

That was the most awkward moment of my life, and it’s nothing to do with me!

Live coverage – Academy Awards 2017 – The Oscars.

Live coverage – Academy Awards 2017 – The Oscars.

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Academy Award – Pictured in 2008.

 

Welcome to the only coverage of the 2017 Oscars that you’ll need to stay tuned to!

For the second year, I’ll be providing coverage of the red carpet and ceremony, alongside a unique critique of what is going on!

You can comment on the post or tweet me @AmberLovellLand or snapchat me – itsambertime for a mention, or to let me know what you think!
Okay, woo!!

16.40 – At the moment, I’m watching a classic, Matilda, but throughout the night I’ll be watching two films that are set to be big winners tonight and doing a live blog on it… She says with hope!

 

Frickin’ Monday

Frickin’ Monday

I’m not normally one of those people who hate Monday, because it’s legit just like any other day, but this Monday was the worst this year.

Why?

People!
Some people are just so bloody rude!

“Oh no, why?”
First of all…

 

Attitude

If you’re gonna be a sassy little bitch, dress the part; don’t be sassy and half arse it because it looks bad on the rest of the sassy bitches who boss it everyday, you little skettyskank.

sass

Try as you might, you’re not sassy, you’re just a basic bitch with a bad attitude.

basic

Secondly…

 

Butting in –

Jigga please, I ain’t speakin’ to you, so mind yo’ own bizzznizzz

 

Thirdly…

 

Rain

I got off the train and the sky was bloody falling! “Why didn’t you check the weather?” AGAIN, MIND YOUR OWN BIZZNIZZ, I AIN’T ASK FO’ YO’ OPINION.

ya

Uni

 

Sweet lord Jesus, today just seemed to drag and drag and drag. I forgot a fork for my lunch, but if I did, I would have stabbed myself in a bid to escape for the day. I’m a princess, I don’t need an education – I’m soon to be the queen, man.

 

That’s my Monday moan over – I’m suitably content.
I purchased a v nice wine from M and S, alongside an array of Percy Pigs, sausages and a lovely salad.

 

Au Revoir, bitches.

 

*May or may not contain metaphors* lol.

Away with you and your resolutions

Away with you and your resolutions

I hate the cliché of clichés.

The biggest being ‘New Year’s Resolutions’.

First of all, in all reality, New Year’s day isn’t actually any different to any other day of the year. The only noticeable differences are…

  • Almost everyone is hungover
  • Staff in stores are angrier than usual.
  • The fear that a restaurant worker might spit in your food is higher because you know how much they don’t want to be serving you today.

 

That aside, one of the major things that annoys me about New Year’s Resolutions is other peoples’ resolutions.

Look pal, I don’t honestly care about your ‘New Year, New Me’ mantra; you’re still going to be a twat no matter how you behave for the first few weeks of the year, and after those first few weeks are done, so is your new attitude, so, next!
Another thing about the New Year that grinds my gears (you’re welcome) is those who take up fitness.

Booking onto my fave spin classes is impossible, finding a free and clean piece of cardio equipment in the gym is like finding a matching pair of socks, and don’t get me starting on finding somewhere to park, because, well…            no.

 

Yes, I understand the importance of fitness, but will people actually keep up with it? Probably not.

Instead of trying to be super good for the first few weeks of the year, be good all year round.

You only get one body, so you should treat it right, the way that I do.

My body is a temple.

16122332_10154365452458721_310657150_o

Again, you’re welcome.

(Yes, I only wrote this so I could post that photo)

 

For the third time,

 

You are welcome.

Why are GP receptionists the most unhelpful, miserable cows to walk the planet?

Why are GP receptionists the most unhelpful, miserable cows to walk the planet?

 

 

After visiting the doctors as a temporary resident one too many times, I finally decided to register (previously they had told me I couldn’t register because they were updating their system… Okay petals)… Anyhow.

 

Tonight, I called and said “Hi, I want to register”.

They said “Sure, come along with a form of ID”

 

Off I went, on foot, with my driving licence in hand, thinking it would be straight forward, and when I got there I was told that “Sorry, this is not an acceptable form of ID”
 

ARE

YOU

KIDDING

ME?!?!?!

 

SINCE WHEN HAS A DRIVING LICENCE NOT BEEN A FORM OF ID?

*Key*

MH (Mega Hottie = me)
D (Devil)

MH “OH, but you said a form of ID, if this isn’t a form of ID, then what is?”
D “A bill, or a bank statement”

 

I mean, I’d hate to sound like a smart arse but surely they could specify that over the phone, or do they get a thrill of being rude and wasting peoples time???

 

I then proceeded to ask for the registration forms so I could take them home and fill them out….

D: “We do not give them out.”

 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

 

I wonder how many people there are out there who are sick as anything, mentally, physically or terminally but can’t do anything about it because the likes of miserable, rude and stupid receptionists in GP surgeries?

Imagine if someone was in a low place, desperate for help, and when they go to the doctors to seek it, they’re turned away before they can even be seen because of the ‘frontline’ of the NHS?

I’m not too sure if I treated customers the same way the receptionist treated me I’d still have a job, so why do they get to keep their job?
Daily, they deal with people who are sick and sensitive, yet they’re the rudest, most inconsiderate people I have ever had to speak with.

In fact, when faced with attitudes like that I’d rather lay at home and die quietly than have to bother wasting my breath asking to register, let alone trying to get an appointment – And I’m sure other people feel the same way too.

Everyone gives GP’s a hard time, but is it really their fault? No,

It’s the receptionists, they’re evil Demogorons that have been released from their underworld crypt to ruin peoples days and lives one snare, sassy statement and phone call at a time.

Whilst I was in the surgery, I managed to pick up a questionnaire, of which I’ll be sure to include an honest opinion of those rudegalz.