They’re not *just* clothes, it isn’t just work, and it is a big deal.

They’re not *just* clothes, it isn’t just work, and it is a big deal.

Every night before I go to bed, I complete my random skincare routine of washing and brushing my face, moisturising with rosehip oil and adding a dab or two of sudocream.

Then, I stomp over to my wardrobe, pull the doors open in a dramatic fashion and I examine my choices of outfit for the following day, because heaven knows I won’t find anything to wear in the morning.

It’s not that I’ve not got enough clothes, it’s quite the opposite really, I have too many.

Dresses, blouses, blazers, trousers, skirts, shirts and more all stare back at me, waiting to be picked for a day about the town.

Next, I check the weather, I think about what I’ve got going on the following day at work, and I think about how I’m feeling right now, and how I’ll feel in the morning, and then I make my decision.

Polka dots? Stripes? Red? Black? Blue?

They’re not just patterns and colours;

They’re not just shirts and trousers.

They’re a form of self-expression, communication, and sometimes, a form of social mobility.

What you wear, and how you wear it says a lot about you as an individual.

For example,

One day I went to work in check trousers and a striped shirt. I clashed like hell, but I felt amazing, and I looked fantastic, if I do say so myself.

“Cool, but why?”

Well, my friends, as an educated bean, I am aware that historically, it wasn’t common for women to be allowed to wear trousers and that’s only really been accepted within the last 100 years or so.
With this in mind, I still see trousers as a powerful item of clothing for a women. Not only this, but in my opinion the clash was both bold, and brave. My size is no secret, but I don’t let this hold me back when it comes to clothing.

Whilst I won’t subject people to see me wearing a pair of batty riders and crop top, I’m willing to experiment with colours and patterns, and this outfit made me feel fierce and I used this fierceness to try and have an amazing day, and you know what?
It was an amazing day!

HOWEVER,

What makes me sad about clothes is when people don’t care about what they wear – and it shows.

Whilst you may feel comfortable in your smock top and loose black leggings, it tells another story of the discomfort you feel with regards to clothing and your body. It shows you lack confidence and /or knowledge to pick something that fits you right, suits you and shows the person you want to be. You scuffle along in this outfit thinking that no one will either care, or notice, but, I, and many see this.

And I’m not the only one.

In a study recently published by Universitat Oberta De Catalunya, it was found that “politicians who simply look more competent are more likely to win elections. First impressions also influence legal decision-making.”

I know what you’re thinking…

“I’m not a politician.”

That may be true,

“I’m not a criminal”… Legally, maybe not, but your crimes against fashion are a whole other story.

 

The excuses

“I’m poor”

Nope, I’m not taking that one.

You don’t have to be rolling in money to dress nicely; I’ve got clothes in my wardrobe from H&M, Tesco, Zara, and Boohoo, but no one would know where they’re from unless I told them.
I recently went into Primark; they’ve got some amazing items at crazy low prices, literally, no excuse!

“It’s hard to find things in my size”

Hmm.. You’re seemingly smaller than my 5ft 11, size 18-22 frame, yet I have a wardrobe, much like my skirt, which bursting at the seams because when I find something I love, and that fits, I want it.

 

“I don’t have time”

The internet is open 24/7, baby, I picked up a package from a locker at the petrol station at 6am; whilst working nearly full-time, studying for a masters degree, and caring for someone, so quit your bullshit.

 

If you’ve stuck with me this far, I am almost done, I promise.

 

When you don’t think people notice that you wear the same pair of trousers and downtrodden shoes a few days of the week, we do notice.
Whilst you may feel good in your clothes, do you feel good about what they say about you?
I doubt it.

 

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Happy birthday to my best friend.

Happy birthday to my best friend.

TODAY, March 1st marks the unofficial birthday of Ava, my best friend.

“Unofficial?”
Yes.
Ava, being the special little cherub she is, graced us on February 29th 2012, meaning she’s a leap year baby! Last year was her first official birthday, but when greeted ‘Happy first birthday’ she was furious…

“I’m not one, I’m four!” were the sentiments yelled on that day.

 

Today, Ava is at school, where she gets to sit on the ‘birthday chair’… Sounds kinda funky, where can I get one? And after school, we’ll party until late… like… 7ish?

The official point of this post is to celebrate the special beast that is my niece on her special day, and celebrate why she is legit the best friend you could possibly have.

Why is she the bestest friend one could possibly have?

  • She is one of the only people I know who actually acts their age
  • She comes out with the funniest things ever
  • She’s always a ray of sunshine super early in the morning – Surround yourself with positivity people!
  • You get to see the world through her eyes, and it’s really special
  • She’s got a great appetite… Sometimes people my age don’t want dessert, but I certainly do.
  • She makes really cool things, for example, this weekend just gone, she painted me a canvas with a giraffe on it, and it’s the best thing since sliced bread, and I really enjoy sliced bread, so that’s a bold statement.
  • She’s really clever, and helping her on her learning journey through life is truly amazing! Seeing her get smarter every day is brilliant!
  • She’s got a heart of gold – She loves everyone, and everything!
  • She’s creative!
  • She thinks I’m really cool.

These are just some of the things that make her the bestest friend possible. I bet you, that if you put these qualities against those of your best friend, your friend will be the inferior one in this equation.

I hope Ava reads this in a few short years and realises just how cool, special and loved she is!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVIN, YOU WONDERFUL LITTLE GIRL!

I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH

AUNTIE AMBER XOXOX

A SPECIAL NOTE FOR AVA…

Dear Ava,

I’m sure mummy or daddy are reading this to you, or if it’s me, hello,

I hope you have the best birthday ever, and enjoy your sweets, cake, and presents!
I’m really proud of you!

 

Live coverage – Academy Awards 2017 – The Oscars.

Live coverage – Academy Awards 2017 – The Oscars.

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Academy Award – Pictured in 2008.

 

Welcome to the only coverage of the 2017 Oscars that you’ll need to stay tuned to!

For the second year, I’ll be providing coverage of the red carpet and ceremony, alongside a unique critique of what is going on!

You can comment on the post or tweet me @AmberLovellLand or snapchat me – itsambertime for a mention, or to let me know what you think!
Okay, woo!!

16.40 – At the moment, I’m watching a classic, Matilda, but throughout the night I’ll be watching two films that are set to be big winners tonight and doing a live blog on it… She says with hope!

 

Frickin’ Monday

Frickin’ Monday

I’m not normally one of those people who hate Monday, because it’s legit just like any other day, but this Monday was the worst this year.

Why?

People!
Some people are just so bloody rude!

“Oh no, why?”
First of all…

 

Attitude

If you’re gonna be a sassy little bitch, dress the part; don’t be sassy and half arse it because it looks bad on the rest of the sassy bitches who boss it everyday, you little skettyskank.

sass

Try as you might, you’re not sassy, you’re just a basic bitch with a bad attitude.

basic

Secondly…

 

Butting in –

Jigga please, I ain’t speakin’ to you, so mind yo’ own bizzznizzz

 

Thirdly…

 

Rain

I got off the train and the sky was bloody falling! “Why didn’t you check the weather?” AGAIN, MIND YOUR OWN BIZZNIZZ, I AIN’T ASK FO’ YO’ OPINION.

ya

Uni

 

Sweet lord Jesus, today just seemed to drag and drag and drag. I forgot a fork for my lunch, but if I did, I would have stabbed myself in a bid to escape for the day. I’m a princess, I don’t need an education – I’m soon to be the queen, man.

 

That’s my Monday moan over – I’m suitably content.
I purchased a v nice wine from M and S, alongside an array of Percy Pigs, sausages and a lovely salad.

 

Au Revoir, bitches.

 

*May or may not contain metaphors* lol.

I LOVE PIE – Happy national pie day!!

I LOVE PIE – Happy national pie day!!

IT’S National Pie Day today, undeniably the best day of the year thus far.

With this, I decided I’d made a firm favourite to most, a trusty apple pie.

My apple pie, however, differs from the rest.

It’s made with love, care and tenderness, things many seem to lack.

My love for baking forced me to make a beautiful caramel sauce from scratch to coat the skillfully sliced apple that now temporarily resides inside the crisp, buttery pastry.

Bog off Mary Berry, there’s not a soggy bottom in sight!

 

berry-bby

I don’t normally reveal secrets for free, but here,people, is my recipe for my beautiful apple pie.

 

YOU WILL NEED…
A massive pie dish (I’m not the only Lovell who loves pie)
A mixing bowl
An adult if you can’t be trusted on your own
A sharp knife
A rolling pin
A hot oven
A fridge
A stovetop
A pastry brush

 

*Preheat your oven to 180 degrees C, babies *

Caramel sauce 

1 cup of white sugar

1/4 cup of water

6 tablespoons of butter (I used unsalted, but if you’re salty, use salted)

1/2 cup of double cream (Not that gross UHT stuff though)

Pastry

14 Ounces of plain flour

5 Ounces of unsalted butter,

2 Ounces of baking butter.

I find by using a vegetable fat, and the butter, you create a crisper pastry, which works wonders for texture.

 

Filling

1KG of apples, peeled and beautifully sliced.

 

Method

Put the flour into a mixing bowl and add the butter. Before adding the butter it’s worth dicing it to make it easier to mix if you’re not snazzy like me, because I juse throw it in the KitchenAid and get on with my life.

  • Mix until you have what resembles buttery breadcrumbs
  • Add water to form a dough
  • Leave to chill

PLEASE NOTE : DO NOT OVERWORK YOUR DOUGH, UNLESS YOU LIKE EATING LEATHER.

WHILST THE PASTRY IS CHILLIN…

Make your caramel sauce!

  • Put the sugar and water inside a pan, only mix to combine the two ingredients and gently whirl the pan if you need to.
  • cook on a medium heat until the sugary mixture turns a light amber colour
  • turn off the heat, and remove from the heat, and whisk in the butter. Be careful because it can spit, and it’s super hot, so you will get burnt.
  • Whisk in double cream.
  • Leave to cool, brother.

*** Pastry is still chilling, so is the caramel sauce***

  • Peel all yo’ apples.
  • Cut.
  • Once all of the apples are a similar pie sized size, mix them into the caramel.

*** Remove pastry from the chill-zone ***

  • Grease your pie dish
  • Divide your pastry into three… collaborate two of those three, so two thirds are for the base, and one third is for the top.
  • Line the dish with the rolled pastry, chuck in your apples, roll out the remaining pastry, fling it on the top… Bob’s your uncle and fanny is your aunt.
  • Brush with whisked egg, fling on some sugar and BOOM

Pop it in the oven, for about 25 mins, or until it is golden brown.

This is my pie, (looks like shit I know) with caramelised crusts (I added sugar on top of my egg wash)…

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Let me know how it goes!
Happy baking, and happy National Pie Day!!

Away with you and your resolutions

Away with you and your resolutions

I hate the cliché of clichés.

The biggest being ‘New Year’s Resolutions’.

First of all, in all reality, New Year’s day isn’t actually any different to any other day of the year. The only noticeable differences are…

  • Almost everyone is hungover
  • Staff in stores are angrier than usual.
  • The fear that a restaurant worker might spit in your food is higher because you know how much they don’t want to be serving you today.

 

That aside, one of the major things that annoys me about New Year’s Resolutions is other peoples’ resolutions.

Look pal, I don’t honestly care about your ‘New Year, New Me’ mantra; you’re still going to be a twat no matter how you behave for the first few weeks of the year, and after those first few weeks are done, so is your new attitude, so, next!
Another thing about the New Year that grinds my gears (you’re welcome) is those who take up fitness.

Booking onto my fave spin classes is impossible, finding a free and clean piece of cardio equipment in the gym is like finding a matching pair of socks, and don’t get me starting on finding somewhere to park, because, well…            no.

 

Yes, I understand the importance of fitness, but will people actually keep up with it? Probably not.

Instead of trying to be super good for the first few weeks of the year, be good all year round.

You only get one body, so you should treat it right, the way that I do.

My body is a temple.

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Again, you’re welcome.

(Yes, I only wrote this so I could post that photo)

 

For the third time,

 

You are welcome.

I am not impressed

I am not impressed

Several days later than normal, John Lewis released their beloved annual Christmas advert.

 

In previous years we have been gifted with the delights of the Bear and the Hare, the Snowman and The Man on the Moon, however, this year, it’s about a trampoline.

 

First of all,

I ain’t hatin’,

 

I love Christmas, I love John Lewis (This date two years ago I was made a Partner), and I thoroughly enjoy trampolines, but personally, this advert has nothing on it’s predecessors.

The video starts with the dog’s head bobbing up and down as the little girl (I’m not entirely sure it’s a girl or not, the hair says yes, but the clothing and the décor in the bedroom is quite masculine…) bounces up and down on her bed * disclaimer * Gender isn’t important, but I don’t know what to refer to the child as, so I’ll call it ‘kid’.

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This belongs to John Lewis.

 

Immediately, I can tell this is setting up what’s going to unfold in the rest of the video, it’s like pathetic fallacy of the gift world – The kid’s going to get that trampoline it so desperately needs, because God knows that you can’t jump up and down on your bed like that because your mum tells you off, and everyone remembers when the monkeys were jumping on the bed and then one fell off and bumped it’s head, and then mummy called the doctor and the doctor said no more monkeys jumping on the bed, and to be frank, AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO’ THAT!

Shortly after, mum puts the kid to bed, and dad begins to build the trampoline, statistically speaking, and once it’s built, and all is still, two foxes creep out of the bushes and begin bouncing, and when they’re having the time of their life, a badger wants to play too (I mean do we even have badgers commonly in the UK?)and then they bounce the night away, and then a bloomin’ hedgehog comes along too!

All the bouncing with the claws, and not a single pull mark on the trampoline – I’m tempted to buy a trampoline from John Lewis and ask my pals Wolverine and Edward Scissorhands do backflips and stuff on the trampoline just to see if it’s really as resistant to claws as it appears!

I don’t feel like there’s a message in this video, I’ve watched it repeatedly, and I honestly find nothing, and the worst thing is, I can’t even feel anything for this advert.

I was expecting something as good as last year, and as great as the Bear and the Hare.

2015’s ‘The Man on the Moon’ was very meaningful as it was affiliated with Age UK as a reminder that there are elderly folk of whom are alone at Christmas.

Undeniably, not every single advert has to tug at heartstrings, make people cry or have a meaning, but Christmas is just so commercial these days that the John Lewis advert is something one can normally rely on to have such a great message and meaning behind it, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into.

 

I’m finding, the anticipation for these adverts is increasing each year because they seem to do something jazzy and spectacular one year, and therefore, they have to keep up with the bars that they keep setting, but to be honest, I don’t think this does.

 

It’s far from realistic, because when your woofer makes that noise whilst looking out the window, you look too because you’re all like “For fucks sake Simba, I’m watching Hannah Montana, what’s out there?????” and your dad doesn’t build trampolines, that shit is pre-assembled by Santa’s elves and Santa drops it in your garden before he parks on your roof, oh, and lastly, the most unrealistic thing about this, IT NEVER SNOWS ON CHRISTMAS DAY!

 

Look, John Lewis, I appreciate the fact that you tried, I really do, but I think you need to try again just to please me.