Happy birthday to my best friend.

Happy birthday to my best friend.

TODAY, March 1st marks the unofficial birthday of Ava, my best friend.

Ava, being the special little cherub she is, graced us on February 29th 2012, meaning she’s a leap year baby! Last year was her first official birthday, but when greeted ‘Happy first birthday’ she was furious…

“I’m not one, I’m four!” were the sentiments yelled on that day.


Today, Ava is at school, where she gets to sit on the ‘birthday chair’… Sounds kinda funky, where can I get one? And after school, we’ll party until late… like… 7ish?

The official point of this post is to celebrate the special beast that is my niece on her special day, and celebrate why she is legit the best friend you could possibly have.

Why is she the bestest friend one could possibly have?

  • She is one of the only people I know who actually acts their age
  • She comes out with the funniest things ever
  • She’s always a ray of sunshine super early in the morning – Surround yourself with positivity people!
  • You get to see the world through her eyes, and it’s really special
  • She’s got a great appetite… Sometimes people my age don’t want dessert, but I certainly do.
  • She makes really cool things, for example, this weekend just gone, she painted me a canvas with a giraffe on it, and it’s the best thing since sliced bread, and I really enjoy sliced bread, so that’s a bold statement.
  • She’s really clever, and helping her on her learning journey through life is truly amazing! Seeing her get smarter every day is brilliant!
  • She’s got a heart of gold – She loves everyone, and everything!
  • She’s creative!
  • She thinks I’m really cool.

These are just some of the things that make her the bestest friend possible. I bet you, that if you put these qualities against those of your best friend, your friend will be the inferior one in this equation.

I hope Ava reads this in a few short years and realises just how cool, special and loved she is!





Dear Ava,

I’m sure mummy or daddy are reading this to you, or if it’s me, hello,

I hope you have the best birthday ever, and enjoy your sweets, cake, and presents!
I’m really proud of you!


Frickin’ Monday

Frickin’ Monday

I’m not normally one of those people who hate Monday, because it’s legit just like any other day, but this Monday was the worst this year.


Some people are just so bloody rude!

“Oh no, why?”
First of all…



If you’re gonna be a sassy little bitch, dress the part; don’t be sassy and half arse it because it looks bad on the rest of the sassy bitches who boss it everyday, you little skettyskank.


Try as you might, you’re not sassy, you’re just a basic bitch with a bad attitude.




Butting in –

Jigga please, I ain’t speakin’ to you, so mind yo’ own bizzznizzz





I got off the train and the sky was bloody falling! “Why didn’t you check the weather?” AGAIN, MIND YOUR OWN BIZZNIZZ, I AIN’T ASK FO’ YO’ OPINION.




Sweet lord Jesus, today just seemed to drag and drag and drag. I forgot a fork for my lunch, but if I did, I would have stabbed myself in a bid to escape for the day. I’m a princess, I don’t need an education – I’m soon to be the queen, man.


That’s my Monday moan over – I’m suitably content.
I purchased a v nice wine from M and S, alongside an array of Percy Pigs, sausages and a lovely salad.


Au Revoir, bitches.


*May or may not contain metaphors* lol.

Away with you and your resolutions

Away with you and your resolutions

I hate the cliché of clichés.

The biggest being ‘New Year’s Resolutions’.

First of all, in all reality, New Year’s day isn’t actually any different to any other day of the year. The only noticeable differences are…

  • Almost everyone is hungover
  • Staff in stores are angrier than usual.
  • The fear that a restaurant worker might spit in your food is higher because you know how much they don’t want to be serving you today.


That aside, one of the major things that annoys me about New Year’s Resolutions is other peoples’ resolutions.

Look pal, I don’t honestly care about your ‘New Year, New Me’ mantra; you’re still going to be a twat no matter how you behave for the first few weeks of the year, and after those first few weeks are done, so is your new attitude, so, next!
Another thing about the New Year that grinds my gears (you’re welcome) is those who take up fitness.

Booking onto my fave spin classes is impossible, finding a free and clean piece of cardio equipment in the gym is like finding a matching pair of socks, and don’t get me starting on finding somewhere to park, because, well…            no.


Yes, I understand the importance of fitness, but will people actually keep up with it? Probably not.

Instead of trying to be super good for the first few weeks of the year, be good all year round.

You only get one body, so you should treat it right, the way that I do.

My body is a temple.


Again, you’re welcome.

(Yes, I only wrote this so I could post that photo)


For the third time,


You are welcome.

It’s deadline day. May the odds be ever in your favour.

It’s deadline day. May the odds be ever in your favour.



I write this to you, even though I should not be writing to you, my audience.

It’s deadline day today and everything is finished, I just have to assemble my screenshots and links and pop some champagne, but other than that, I’m done.

I’m re-reading the brief to make sure I’ve included everything, when I saw this…

“At least THREE tweets, preferably more per story” 

I follow several million news outlets on Twitter, and the same story isn’t ever tweeted more than once… Why?
Because the followers would be annoyed at the constant regurgitation of a story… It will block timelines, ruin lives, and hurt eyes, and I am not about to do that.

What I am about to do is generate some more content, because everyone loves my content, my mum said.